Accepting Our Changing Selves |
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| Last week, I spoke to a group of women at the Maisel Center for Women’s health on this very topic. The women were all middle-aged, from about ages 30- to 60; some were professionals, others were homemakers. Each of the women seemed to be renewed as I made points that hit home for them to contemplate about the way they view themselves. | ||
| Especially for women, the period of life from ages 30 to 60 years old is a time of growth, renaissance, confidence building, and self-exploration. With careers settled or kids in school, there is more time for looking inward and reflecting upon what we really want. | ||
| This is a great time of coming into one’s own for all people; even more so for women who have been so programmed to focus their attentions upon nurturing others, not ourselves. | ||
| While some men and women focus on the loses of their prior “svelt” selves, their unwrinkled skin, their flat stomachs, their smooth bodies unwrought with cellulite, their high energy levels, their perfect memories, others choose to focus their attention on fulfilling long-forgotten dreams, seeking out new adventures, and taking risks to stretch themselves in the face of aging. They chose not to panic in the face of aging and declining looks, but instead use midlife as a wake-up call to face challenges, make the best of today and tomorrow and find deeper meaning in their lives. To these people, I solute you—for this is the way to true acceptance and happiness. | ||
| Women struggle most with changes in their appearances mainly because we have been programmed through the years by society and the media to look a certain way, to be young, blonde, perky, and look like Cindy Crawford. The reality is that most movie stars and models are either airbrushed in their photos, have personal trainers and cooks to keep them in the best of shape, or spend thousands of dollars in plastic surgery bills to keep appearing young and glamorous. This obsession is unhealthy and unbalanced as evidenced by the rampant divorce rates among the “rich and famous” and by the high rates of eating disorders among models. | ||
| Women have to overcome and rise above any brainwashing attempts and learn to accept ourselves for who we are as souls, not for our looks, our bodies or our abilities. We have to eradicate the inner critic that makes us too self-conscious to walk out of the house without make-up on, or without being dressed to the nines, or to speak up assertively to protect our rights for even the simplest things. | ||
| The only way to truly love our selves and to have strong self-esteem is to fully accept our selves. In so doing, we have to know our selves. The only way to truly know one self is to have the quiet time to face feelings, thoughts and conflicts that make our lives out of balance or in conflict. Once we can quietly reflect upon our inner feelings, we can start to live our lives congruently. We cannot do what we believe in if we don’t take the time to really know what we feel or want in life. Once we do know ourselves, we can be our true self. Doing what we like and believe in and feel good doing is what keeps our spirit alive and young at heart. | ||
| Ralph Waldo Emerson highlights the importance of being our own person in his work called, “ Self-reliance ” when her wrote: | ||
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| We have to listen to ourselves more than to the opinions of others to walk our own walk in life. We need to trust our own decisions and judgment as long as what we do in life does not directly or intentionally hurt another. Finally, if we believe that we are special, loveable, and worthy just for being our true selves, we will be much better at accepting ourselves, and at accepting others, too. | ||
| Accepting our changing selves requires feeling prepared to accept whatever comes our way. It requires being able to adapt and be flexible. It requires facing truth. It requires seeing the good in the present and not comparing today with yesterday. If we view crises as opportunities, each pain as one of life’s lessons, take risks to try new things, keep playing, and let go of regrets, we will learn to love ourselves for who we are and we will accept our changing selves. |
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This article was written by Dr. Laurel A. Sills, a Fully Licensed Clinical Psychologist (since 1987) and Life Coach. She provides direct, down-to-earth, short-term therapy with long-term results. She is passionate in her work and will help you stay motivated to change your life with regular commitment to changing habits in thinking and behaving. See her website at: www.DrLSills.com or www.BuildAStrongerYou.com |
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Copyright 2006© Laurel A. Sills, Psy.D. All rights reserved Back to Articles |