It’s Back to School Time! |
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| It’s September! The sky is blue. The air is crisp and fresh. The colors are especially vivid. And…. for most…school has already started. This time of year can be very hectic or it can bring a sigh of relief. | ||
| For many parents, there is relief. Their children will be back on a routine and they will have some free time if all their children are school age. For others, having to start driving in carpools to the private schools, getting up early to meet the bus, arranging schedules to accommodate after school activities adds stress to their lives. For children and teenagers, there is often a sadness that summer is over, yet a relief to see friends again and get back into a set routine. For each age, this time of year may stir up different kinds of crises. Let me explain. | ||
| First time school- goers are commonly struck with separation anxiety. Especially if your young child has never been in child care, they may feel quite frightened of spending their day or half day away from mom/dad, and uncomfortable with the unknowns that school brings. If your child is not used to being around many children, this can be overwhelming for them, especially if they are shy. It may be best to talk to your children about what to expect and to take them to the school before classes start to desensitize them. Tell them about your first day of school (leave out any gory details if you were traumatized, of course!). Play with them on the school playground. See if you can meet the teacher ahead of time and tell him/her any special needs of your child. Then tell your child that you met with the teacher and describe him/her to your child. Let your child know that you and the teacher are going to stay connected regarding their progress and problems at school. Give your child verbal rewards for going to school and encourage them to do their best, to listen to the teacher, and to have a good time. Plan for special activities with your child as a reward for attending school for the whole week. These activities can be family-oriented events like going to a movie, out to eat, on a picnic, to Discovery World or the zoo. | ||
| If your child has already started school and is crying, pleading to come home, faking sick or manipulating to get out of school, do not bring him/her home. You may make phone contacts at a designated time of day or bring your child to school in the morning, but do not feed into the problem by allowing your child to remain home. Sometimes, this behavior by parents indicates that the parent may not be ready to let go, either. Make sure that your child does not have a fever and state that you will take him/her to the doctor for help if you suspect faking. Ask your child to talk about their fears, worries, etc. and help them cope with whatever it is. If you are not sure how to help, consult the school counselor or a mental health professional without delay. The longer you ignore this problem, the worse it is likely to become. | ||
| Older children often do not have the separation anxiety that the first-timers do, but they may have self-esteem problems related to poor prior school performance, ADHD (Attention Deficit With Hyperactivity Disorder), and problematic peer relations. Always keep the lines of communication open with your children of all ages. Find out how they are feeling about going back to school. If they answer with “fine” or “okay all the time, tell them that you really are interested in them and their feelings and that those one-word answers do not tell you very much. Ask them to tell you about their teachers and classmates…to describe them. This is an open-ended request, which makes it hard for them to shrug you off with one-word grunts. | ||
| Older teens may be faced with temptations to use “Designer Drugs”, acid, “E” or otherwise known as “Ecstasy”. Ask if they or their friends go to “Rave” parties. These are parties full of teens usually in warehouses or other large buildings that are not up to fire code safety regulations. The allure for kids that go is a sense of belonging and acceptance from others, and the excitement of dancing while experimenting with drugs. Often, these parties are held in Lansing or Detroit. If your teen is going, intervene! These are not safe places for recreation. Talk openly to your children about what you know and ask them if they feel pressure to join in to use drugs, drink and smoke cigarettes. The more you know as parents, the better the rapport you will have with your kids. | ||
| Finally, seniors in high school are very concerned with the question, “What do I want to be when I grow up?” They will be taking the SAT or ACT and will be applying for colleges if this is where they are bound. It is a very uncertain time for many. If your teenager is not sure about where he/she wants to go to college, make sure that they know your own financial limits. Out of state colleges may be out of the question. Their grades may limit their choices. Be available to guide them, not coerce them into going where you went or want them to go, but to the best place for them within the limits of money, distance, and their grades. Remind yourselves and your children that they do not have to know what they want to do now. Reassure them and yourself that it is okay to not know right now. Explore their interests and tell them to pursue them. They have at least two years to declare a major and can always take time off if undecided. | ||
| So, set limits, do not be naïve, talk to your children, and really listen to their fears and needs. Be proactive and get involved in parent/ teacher conferences and contact the school counselors if your have concerns about them. There is NO SHAME in getting professional support to help your children stay emotionally and academically healthy. | ||
| Happy New School Year! |
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This article was written by Dr. Laurel A. Sills, a Fully Licensed Clinical Psychologist (since 1987) and Life Coach. She provides direct, down-to-earth, short-term therapy with long-term results. She is passionate in her work and will help you stay motivated to change your life with regular commitment to changing habits in thinking and behaving. See her website at: www.DrLSills.com or www.BuildAStrongerYou.com |
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Copyright 2006© Laurel A. Sills, Psy.D. All rights reserved Back to Articles |