More on Coping with the Holidays |
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| In the previous “What’s On Your Mind” column, I discussed how the holiday season can bring many people’s spirits down. Some of it has to do with anniversary affects of remembering the years’ past holidays; comparing this year to the past and feeling like something or someone is missing. I discussed how the seasonal changes can affect moods due to the decrease in sunlight. Most importantly, I discussed how expectations and romantic ideals can make the reality of one’s family life pale in comparison to images of the “perfect family get-together celebration”. In this article, I would like to address several other common problems that make getting through the holidays difficult. These are loneliness or isolation, financial strain, and substance abuse and/or dependence. | ||
| Loneliness and or aloneness is an excruciatingly painful emotional experience, especially during the holidays. While loneliness and aloneness are two different states of being, they often go together. For many single, divorced or widowed people, the holidays create a strong sense of loss, isolation and feeling of not belonging if there is a lack of social and familial support. Even those with many friends may find that their friends are busy with their own family engagements and may not be in a position to invite outsiders. It is very important for people who are alone to plan ahead to make the holidays special. | ||
| There are several things that you can do such as let your friends and family members know that you would like to celebrate with them. Invite people to your home. See if you can join others in their celebration by stating you would like to visit and drop off a small gift, home-made craft, cookies or plant. If all of these efforts prove fruitless, consider volunteering your time to serve meals to the poor, elderly, or the sick. If you do not wish to volunteer, you can celebrate the holidays by making yourself feel special. Decide that you are important and deserve to be nurtured. Plan to sleep in, take a bubble bath with exotic-smelling oils and candles, play your favorite music, bake something you relate to making the holidays special for you, eat your favorite things, go to or rent a movie you wish to see, sing your favorite songs, call your friends to wish them happy holidays, and buy yourself something special, read a book, take yourself tobogganing or skating. Just because you are alone does not have to mean that you cannot enjoy yourself. | ||
| Next, financial constraints often make people shutter at the thought of holiday time. So much of Christmas, and now more than ever before, even Hanukkah is so commercialized that it is very tempting to buy decorations, dishes, silverware that is holiday specific but unnecessary. You can be festive and decorate without having to spend for every type of nick-knack, placemat, special napkin, etc. There is nothing wrong with using what you already have. Gifts do not have to be elaborate. Too many times, people with modest incomes seem to feel compelled to spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars on gifts. If you cannot afford it, do not do this. Whatever happened to the idea that it is the thought that counts most? What about a card and a box of home-made cookies? What about a small thoughtful gift that has a modest price-tag? Draw names. Tell others to not buy for you. Set limits on the amount of the gifts you buy and receive. Tailor your spending to your own financial situation. There is no excuse for making yourself broke. People will appreciate your generosity of thoughtfulness and love. If they do not, kiss them goodbye. | ||
| Finally, substance abuse and dependency can be the downfall for many families. If you are in recovery, you MUST make a plan for coping with the many holiday parties and events that you will be invited to that include alcohol. You need not avoid all of these events as long as you have a partner there or a friend for support. Drink water with lemon. Have someone get your soda or juice drink for you. You can always leave early if you feel you are going to relapse. There will be many AA or NA meetings even on the holidays. Go to meetings. Call your sponsor. Have a list of friends and family members that you can get support from and call at any time. Keep the AA or NA hotline numbers with you at all times. If you have your own party, you CAN make it non-alcoholic. If you feel too uncomfortable to do this, you are playing with fire. Give away ALL alcohol leftovers to your guests. Tell them you are abstaining and do not feel ashamed to admit you have a problem. | ||
| If it is a family member who is alcoholic and not recovering that you struggle with at the holidays, invite this person over early and do not have alcohol on hand. If this person gets drunk, you do not have to contribute. Drive them home. If you are with them away from home and they get drunk, leave. You do not have to destroy your own holiday due to them. Never enable an alcoholic person to drink by offering them alcohol or by making excuses for them or by tolerating their drunken behavior. | ||
| This exhausts my suggestions for coping with the holidays. Your solutions are always welcomed and will be printed if you respond very quickly to this article so that I can include your ideas with my next article. Happy Holidays and Best Wishes to you all!! |
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This article was written by Dr. Laurel A. Sills, a Fully Licensed Clinical Psychologist (since 1987) and Life Coach. She provides direct, down-to-earth, short-term therapy with long-term results. She is passionate in her work and will help you stay motivated to change your life with regular commitment to changing habits in thinking and behaving. See her website at: www.DrLSills.com or www.BuildAStrongerYou.com |
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Copyright 2006© Laurel A. Sills, Psy.D. All rights reserved Back to Articles |